Jean, I am blaming you for this *smirk*

Current mood: contemplative
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

So just had a bath with lots of bubbles, smellies and such like to be able to relax and ponder the new year about to come in.

Now I'm not a great one for making up any resolutions as to be totally honest I'm bloody useless to sticking to them. If ever there was someone who lacks in willpower – send them my way and they will feel terrific after speaking to me. So on that note I decided that I wouldn't make any just for the new year, I would decided what I would liked to have done and start it as of this afternoon yes only 10 hours before, so as to delude myself into thinking I wasn't a sheep like the rest of the world. (Just cant be normal as hard as I try!)

So here is the list of things I have planned to start to "improve myself" for the rest of my life (oh, that sounds a bit drastic but here goes!)

As of this afternoon I am going to stop smoking.

Now I know I have said before I would never give up but I do talk a load of crap remember? And the smoking is a major factor the next thing of which I want to try to do more of this year which is; exercise. Now I am being realistic here as I know that anything involving physical sports of which can leave me reeling in pain with my knees, however I can swim like a fish so am going to make a point of going for a swim at least twice a week when I'm not on call. The other exercise which doesn't leave me in total agony is yoga (yeah I know… sounds like a cop out) but will make a point of either joining a yoga group or getting the old DVD which has been gathering dust under my TV cabinet for some time now out. The other sport that has less impact on the old donkey legs is cycling and I like you Jean (it's still your fault see,) I have a perfectly functional mountain bike in the back of my van of which I am going to start to utilise into this little get fit fad which is now stuck rolling around my mind….

That's the list so far and the first stage of this little master plan is about to take place. I have just smoked my last fag and am about to go with all of the tobacco, lighters, ashtrays and anything else which might make me feel the need and hide them in my shed down the bottom of the garden (believe me the lawnmowers in there and I don't need reminding of that when wanting a fag so will leave them alone) I already have a box of nicotine lozenges here which were bought for the flight to Washington in October so they will suffice whenever there is a craving…

Wish me luck people!

(ps; don't even thing I'm stopping drinking, as that would just be silly

Currently listening: I Predict a Riot By Kaiser Chiefs Release date: 31 May, 2005

Me again….

Current mood: chipper
Category: Automotive

Now I just know you will all take the piss but I'm going to talk cars again. Terribly sorry but there have been so many sightings here in Norfolk over the past week when I have been sober and actually driving about but its been one of those… oh could I have one of those for Christmas please?

Yep I ventured out on my dodgy scenic, what? Twice? Maybe three times? And bugger me was I positively cumming in my pants driving about and for once seeing all of those cars that just make you go gooey round the edges. So what did I see whilst driving around my family to said walks along beaches etc…?

Well the best by far spotted first was an Aston martin now I cannot say which one as I was whizzing past and nearly strained my neck and crashed said dodgy scenic trying to gawp. Only one problem, it was a weird gold colour. Now I am being kind here as I would describe it as beige but Mumsie banks assures me it was a "dull gold" – this from the woman who though my car was grey (its blue) Either way, shite colour or not still yummy.

Then, not ten min's later did I see a kin' great Bentley Continental… in dark blue, could have been navy but blue all the same. This was on the way to said beach walk, so imagine my surprise when we saw the Bentley again on the way home. Ohhhh there is a god! Well ok maybe not but for once I have seen things that make me smile in Norfolk…. Who would have thought it?

(No surprise…. I'm drunk which is when I normally spout crap)

Currently watching: As Good As It Gets Release date: 20 May, 1998

Grrrrrr

Current mood: irritated
Category: Life

I've hung fire before chucking a complete flid about the television content over the past week (well straight after crimbo day anyway)

Now I can cope with adverts for sales and the fact that everyone will be trudging into said shopping areas and going insane elbowing everyone out of the way just for the hope they might grab a bargain. But what has REALLY gotten to me are the adverts for buying sodding sofas. Now don't get me wrong buying a sofa isn't something one should get all miffed about but the fact that not only is there one advert right after another saying how wonderful their leather clad items are and how superb their wears are but the fact that the prices are no bloody cheaper than normal! Ok sell me a big ole' cow covered three piece suit for £150 and I'm sold… but £699? Stuff that.

I'm all for a bargain but that sure as shit doesn't look like one to me.

oh fuck off with your sofa

Currently watching: Top Gear

Sometimes I do wonder about some people

Current mood: accomplished
Category: Life

I have friends in my life that I have known for many years and share everything with. These people know exactly who I am warts and all. They have accepted me for this and do not in anyway shape or form try to change me.

On the other hand (always a ying and a yang) I have 'friends' who are nice as pie on the phone or face to face but when it comes down to genuinely being a nice person these people wouldn't know how to if it jumped up and smacked them about the head a bit.

For example I have a 'friend' (termed loosely here) who is a charmer, comes across as a victim of life's circumstances, always the down trodden poor little lad who never gets a break. Life has always been hard for him and he never seems to be understood.

Unfortunately that's just not the case. I know of at least 4 people who have tried to reach out and be there for him, yet it just gets thrown back in your face. Personally I can be the best one for trying to help but in this instance I think it's a lost cause, someone who doesn't want to be helped as he thrives in the misery and squalor or people feeling sorry for him. Well I for one am not wasting any more of my time or effort on this guy. Friend or not I really am exhausted trying to jump through hoops only to feel that I am a useless person not worthy of his attentions even just as a friend.

So this chapter of my life has now closed. I am writing this 'charity case' off as a bad debt. Sounds harsh I know but I am not God and have no intention to be one.

Have a good life mate; hope you find what you are looking for – however I don't think it actually exists

Currently watching: Due South - The Final Season (4th Season) Release date: 16 September, 2003

Fatter than a fat thing in a fat kid contest with suet pudding for afters…

Current mood: chipper

Crimbo dinner number….? Hell what is it? 4 now? Oh god who knows? All I do know is that come Tuesday when we weigh in at work I will have made up completely for the 'instant diet' just before crimbo!

So officially back home now and have spent the day feeling shite and sleeping, however for the rest of the weekend a mass clean up of this house because even though I wasn't here, its still managed to filth itself right up (no idea how that happened?!?!?)

Did make a start earlier by taking down the crimbo decorations to allow me to actually 'clean' surfaces… which turned into lighting the wood burner and snuggling up on the sofa – well you have to relax when you get home now don't you…

All in all it was a great Christmas and I couldn't ask for any more than that. All I have to do now is figure out how to work this sodding bread maker!

Currently listening: Ghost In The Machine [Digipak] By The Police Release date: 04 March, 2003

Finally home… but not for long….

Finally home… but not for long….
Current mood: chipper
Category: Life

Everyone's either sodded off for a walk round Norwich or fannying about with washing and such like so I have grabbed the opportunity to sneak home for a soak in the bath, grab some more clothes and let my poor little mutt have a proper nap (with everyone at parents house she doesn't sleep much or she might miss something – nosey little sod that she is.)

Talking of my little puppy… it's her birthday and she is nine years old today. (Yeah ok, so I have been calling her puppy for that long but she does still act like one even though being an old fart these days) Weird really, as she has been having a 'cuddle the hell out of mummy' day today as well… very sweet my Diefenbaker Banks – happy birthday furry.

So still feeling fat – no surprise considering we had fried breakfast again today… jesus, 3 days in a row… starting to go off eggs I can tell you.

However this evening's antics are what I dread every year. Yes, once again we are off to the bloody panto "oh no you're not!" and all that bollocks.

What concerns me more is I am the youngest of our 'party' and I'm 32… hmmm something is just not right about all that.

I do however have the BEST advantage this year… not only am I not driving us down there and trying to park….. I am also able to drink which I think will certainly make it a MUCH more enjoyable time for babybanks here - hoorah!

Right off for my soak – have fun all…..

Currently watching: Black Books - The Complete First Series Release date: 10 January, 2006

Boxing day, and not a fist’ie’cuffs in sight!…

Current mood: blah
Category: Life

I was convinced for years the reason for the name 'boxing day' was after all the high tension of the Christmas day thing it was the time limit before people actually came to blow's – wanting to knock ten buckets of fuck out of relatives.

I have been pleasantly surprised this year. Not one person has had their proverbial blocked knocked off as yet. However I think that I may have been the key factor in all of this in the past as at least this year I have been able to drink so don't really give a monkeys…. Yep, my fault again lol. Little miss 'social hand grenade' is usually the defiant factor in such things.

So getting nicely sloshed yet again and in preparation for yet another massive meal of which will weigh me down for about a week… but who cares? I made room with that stomach bug last week so have space for two dinners if I'm honest will be so drunk when it arrives, could eat them both without noticing it. Opps.

So as I raise my drink to you all once again –

Happy Boxing Day to you all….

And can I go home for a bit tomorrow please Mum?

Currently watching: Extras - The Complete First Season Release date: 09 January, 2007

As per usual, all my fault…

Current mood: frustrated
Category: Life

Yep, I was the cause of tits up factor after all, daft bint that I am. Finally grabbed my bag and toddled off to the bathroom for a shower shit and a shave…. after all the chaos of presents, breakfast and larding. So imagine my delight when looking through my bag of clothes, only to find I had left my clean jeans at home. In fact on thinking about it could even picture them neatly folded laying on the chair in my living room. Bollocks.

So Family decided to go for a wander around Norwich whilst it was after all lovely and quiet and seeing as my knee is so temperamental figured that probably wouldn't be the best idea for me anyway. So I dropped them off near the cathedral then toddled off home to collect clean trousers for ones forgetful self. On the up side though, we decided that we are all going for a walk along the beach tomorrow and for any 'normal' person that would be so simple. For me? Nope, not a chance. So I used the chance to pop home to arm myself with such aids to help me actually participate in tomorrow's freezing of ones tits by the sea. That would be:

1. Reinforced knee support that even Matron would have approved of.

2. Two sports ice packs of which spend most of their life round my legs…

3. A whole host of anti-inflammatory tablets coupled with a shitload of painkillers just in case.

And….just in case there is always that age old painkiller of choice…. Vodka. Hoorah!!!!!

Lets just say by the time my sister, her boyfriend and with doggy in tow I will either be pissed or as high as a kite! Who would have thought? Lmao

Currently watching: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Full Screen Edition) (Harry Potter 1) Release date: 28 May, 2002

Merry Christmas, to one and all…

Current mood: calm
Category: Life

Its sooo quiet here it's lovely. No-one is up yet and there is hardly a peep from outside – complete bliss.

Just wait until Mumsie Banks is running about wanting to open pressie's soon. She does make me laugh sometimes. Sod the kids being up at the crack of dawn years ago, its now a fight to try and stop this 56 year old opening her presents at midnight these days. Bless her.

But it does make for a fun day all told and I for one will savour this moment of "calm before the storm" as long as bloody possible!

Enjoy the daftness of the day people as you just know something is going to go tits at some point.

It’s crimbo eve,

Current mood: drunk
Category: Life

And here I am at my parents, playing on the laptop as pissed as a fart on port already… what a trauma! NOT

Just wound the most hugest tea into me of sausage casserole with mashed spud and veg which was superb!

So what are we doing now? Oh yes watching "Fanny Craddock" with her amazing Christmas pudding and also amazing green brandy butter! What a delight!

Could be a lot worse I suppose, anything to do with citrus could send me vomiting at any moment…..

So, considering how completely mullered I am already not doing too bad. Might even managed to blog a wee bit more later if I'm sober enough!

Currently watching: Little Britain - The Complete Third Series Release date: 14 November, 2006

I really don’t know what to make of it….

Current mood: melancholy

FINALLY went to see Casino Royale this evening. Didn't take much, only two failed attempts…*sigh*

Now my reaction to the film was "tainted" by something that did really start to… well hurt after a while. I have what can only be described as 'ears like a bat' no, not that I have protruding lugs like a fruit bat and look silly…. but very good hearing. So this is where I struggle with cinemas. Now I LOVE watching films on the big screen, to the extent I would live in there if I had the chance but I really do struggle with the volume. This was no different.

So getting past the 'me moaning about the volume', what did I think of the film? Well to be honest I think I was a bit disappointed. One thing didn't faze me, which I was expecting as so many people had mentioned it was the product placements… Well with more luck than judgement I managed to miss pretty much all of them. Only because I had lent my glasses to my mum as she had forgotten hers (as per usual) so my viewing pleasure had a slight haze to it which did soften it all slightly but also gave me no ability to not see one bloody logo! Hoorah! Yes there were still the blatant lets hold this little widget right up to screen so you can see the brand, and mentioning watches, all of which, even with fuzzy lamps still quite obvious. I still did manage to not really pay attention to them, can't be bad.

The rest of the film, don't get me wrong was good, slightly different for a Bond thingy and the usual action was good and well thought out but that twiglet bashing scene? Oh eck missus even I was squirming and I don't even have a "cluster".

So to sum it up, I like Bond films but this one is going to have me wondering for a while. I think I might get the DVD – watch it again in the comfort of my own sofa cuddling my arse with vodka and reconsider it then.

Oh, and hasn't Daniel Craig got the worlds biggest pout?

Looks like a bloody fish throughout the whole thing.

Currently listening: Best of Bond James Bond By Various Artists Release date: 19 September, 2002