you have good days, you have bad days... today is just a bloody cold day.

It's a funny old life. I am currently sitting, hunched over my laptop in the side 'shop' next to the garage fixing the tremendous amounts of stuff needed for the MOT of my van. Not that this is a problem, I have since being here measured & drawn up the plans for the building, hacked into their wifi which means I can now pretty much play silly buggers online until they finish working on the beast.

Now bearing in mind I did as asked and brought said van in at 9am as requested am still a tadge miffed that at (its now 14:25) they have only just started working on it. 

Now wouldn't you have thought with me here they could have at least started on it a bit earlier so as to not have me sitting about nicking bandwidth cluttering up the place? Obviously not.

I have though been most productive since being sat on the bottom rung of some stairs as a chair, with a shelving unit for a desk, hat coat & gloves on, a fan heater next to my feet & and extension lead powering me & laptop all to high heaven.

Managed to have an email argument with clients, a good old fashioned barney with my boss on the phone, sort out some banking, play on twitter and generally drink them out of house and home in tea.

Then at noon promptly toddled off to the shop for a snack coming back now, only to do yet more chuff all I guess. Hence my now useless desire to blog.

So whats been happening in life here then? All good and exciting stuff you will be pleased to hear.

I passed my motorbike CBT the other day which was certainly very pleasing. I 'should' start training on the 600cc bike tomorrow but can see the weather scuppering that bugger as they are saying we will get more snow... booooooo

So really just looking forward to Christmas all in all! 

Cold lady parts? I should say so!

Today was defiantly a top notch on the 'fantasticfuckingday' o'meter.

Considering in my life I have acquired many a driving licence (right up to class 1 articulated lorry type shit) Today's efforts to start learning the smallest (being a motorbike) was certainly a giggle and a half. 

Now for some reason in my life, I have never actually ridden or had any instruction to ride one. You would have thought I would have, but alas no. This actually turned out to be an advantage in the "professional learning curve" And for that *thanks fuck!*

So with my passing my theory & hazard perception test yesterday with various spotty little oik's preparing for standard car driving lessons the fact I was actually getting arse straight onto two wheels the next day was certainly an eye opener!

So, getting back to today's efforts. We arrive at the training centre, bundled into the back of a tatty transit and scoot off to an airfield with a "spare bit" especially for the training of numbnuts such as myself.

We are quickly explained the controls, how to ride and toddle off on bits of the runways to get the hang of riding. Then, how to start to go up the gears, then how to stop abruptly (not really difficult!) Then are shown how to do the slow manoeuvres with control and precision. 

This was purely a "getting used to how to ride a bike" with a bit of examples of what sorts of stuff we would be doing during the MOD1 test of which I will be taking on Dec 22nd.

But before I rush into that, I have my actual CBT test (compulsory basic training) which will allow me to ride on the road with 'L' plates.  This is happening on the 4th and after today's efforts I am really looking forward to that!

So there we are, I am still mad, but loving every bloody minute of it and can't wait to be able to go out riding for a jolly with little legs on our own bikes!

GET IN!

 I would like to point out that anything even remotely close to the lady parts region got colder than a penguins bollocks also. Will certainly compensate with ever so slightly more thermal pants for the next stage!!!

Eco friendly, maybe so but not functional in the slightest.

Bearing in mind I used to be an electrician, a lot of the light fittings here in Clements Castle are of the halogen bulb variety. Only three are the "sunk in" type taking the straight pin connector bulbs but the other three fittings (each with three bulbs) have the pins with knobbly bits on the end - these are the more common of the two I can only assume.

So a few months back after seeing a great deal online, I decided to purchase 12 of the new fangled LED version bulbs to not only be gentle on my electricity bill, but to do that little bit of personal effort to being environmentally friendly.

All three of the smaller fittings got them. Bedroom, Kitchen & the office. 

The bedroom ones lasted 2 days, mainly because when switched off the buggers still actually glow, which in a room you are trying to sleep in is not really the best situation.

The office and the kitchen did actually do quite well, until I finally decided to give up and take them out again today. 

In themselves they are a wonderful idea and probably did reduce the electricity bill for the duration of time spent in. There was however one major factor that I just couldn't put up with any more.

They are absolutely rubbish for lighting a room! 

(So if you are thinking of changing yours - please don't, utter waste of money until they manage to uprate them to a decent lux level!)

So ok, I tried, but here's something I now cannot quite fathom out.

I took out 12 bulbs to replace with the LED ones. These were lovingly placed all together in a box in the shed with many other spare light bulbs. 

On going to the shed to collect them to place back in, I can only find 5. Not 12 as was removed before. So I have replaced the 3 in the kitchen, and have put one in each of the other two rooms but I'll be buggered if I have any idea where the other ones went!

Maybe I have a light bulb eating spider in my shed, who knows!

The good news is, I can now actually see what I am cooking, working on and we are in complete darkness in the bedroom when the lights do go out!

Seeing as I mentioned a visit to the chiropractor yesterday, I figured I really should explain exactly how that came about and what the hell has been going on.

In the last couple of months I had started to get a niggly pain at the lower end of my neck back down to between the shoulder blades. Over the course of the final week of that it turned into a full blown, dogs bollocks - felt like I was being poked in the back with a broom handle type thing which also resulted in not being able to turn my head and also walking around like I had said broom shoved up my arse.

All in all it was, even for me with quite a high pain threshold bloody agonising and after a trip to the local GP and being given anti-inflammatory pills and told to sod off for two weeks and see how I got on.

Now dont get me wrong, I realise these people are very busy and do a great job but I really couldn't move without what felt like a lightening bolt shooting down my spine so wasn't impressed with the diagnosis.

It was at that point OH said I should really try going to see the chiropractor he had seen after running off a cliff last year (plank :P)

So had my first appointment, when they strip you down to all but undies, slap you in a gown and do all sorts of checks to see how your body is actually doing.

Evidently the fact that I was described as a bit lop-sided and they can do me some good was certainly a good thing. So after the initial 'consultation', back scan, stood like a lemon in my mad cow pants in front of an oversized frame with elastic bands all over the shop was sent on my way... still at that point un-adjusted.

Two days later I'm back (and it seem this place NEVER runs on time) The first initial (clothed I might add) adjustment was done in the back enclosed area which wasn't a bad thing. 

The last time I had anything like this done I can certainly remember at the point after the 'crack' my usual involuntary response was to say "coooorrrr fuck"  of which I did, quite a few times but am assured by said Dr chiro he has certainly heard worse.

The good point? (bearing in mind I am now into my 3rd week of twice a week) It's actually starting to help.... the back and neck at least. The one thing it didn't help with which I was initially told it could help was for painful periods. Well if helping was the utter doubled over, fainting hot and cold sweats I gained last Thursday at 4am then all I can say is he must have angered the gods of menstruation that day as it was a bloody doozy. I have since been advised that bit could take time. (He would say that)

So I'm seemingly a bit more upright these days. Granted, not completely but getting there. 

Who knows maybe in the future I will stop dragging my knuckles along the floor!

Some days the simplest things surprise me. Not often though.

Firstly apologies if this blog looks pants today but I'm writing from my phone whilst waiting to once again see the chiropractor. I will attempt to save it then format it when home again so patience is a virtue.

So what has surprised me? Well a few things but most all a very nice thing that happened today, whilst sat at my PC getting on with work listening to the radio. 

Now I am nowhere near the time in my life when I am going to start listening to BBC radio 4 on a regular basis, however, after some not quite so subtle "self advertising" of a follower on Twitter decided, seeing as I was at home getting on would pop it on and see what the little bugger had been up to and was self whoring himself with. 

Now I still couldn't now tell you what the play was called, nor who wrote it but what I will say is it was really quite moving. A tale of a man, travelling far to visit his dying mother in hospital and getting somewhat caught up in what could be described as another world. 

His other world however, managed to do a wonderful thing. In the sad final stages of his mothers life, thanks to an slightly odd character, not a million miles away from myself, surprisingly brought back to the surface all the wonderul memories he had buried, hidden away of times with his Mum, which also in turn distracted him away from the harsh yet inevitable reality.

I think the reason I really enjoyed it, was after it was over it made me sit back and remember again times I had with my Dad, good times over many years and certainly brought a very big smile across my face. Ok, so Dad died over two years ago now but there isn't a week go by when I dont think of him but this brought back the "best bits" as so to speak and gave me the warm fuzzy feeling you can only get when remembering your Dad and how much he meant to you.

So for that, the great acting (or should I say 'reading' abilities') of James & his co star I thank you. You made a cynical old git have a mushy moment with your 'creative talent' and I normally don't let those out too often as most will know.

As for listening to Radio 4 any more... I dont really think so. They also played The Archers in that time frame and oddly, that made me want to stab myself in the eye with and arrow.

Help! I've been twitnaaaaapppppped!

I would like say "not really" but in fact I have. Now I know I am a bit of an internet rubbish whore but for once I have found a social networking site that really does make me laugh so much I once nearly pee'd a little. And oddly, it's bloody twitter.

Apologies to the widge as I have been meaning to encourage you to find your illusive password and join in as I know you have an account but keep forgetting.

I joined twitter a couple of years back just after Dad died. Cant really remember why now, pretty sure someone would have suggested I did but who it was? gawd knows now. Also the fact that head wasn't really in the best of places at that time didn't really use it to full potential or find it good in any way or form. 

I'm not even quite sure what has drawn me in back either. I'm sure there was some good reason (but I really doubt it)

Evidently I am really enjoying it. I think the thing I like about it the most is you tend to find people on there who are - for want of a better word- just as bleeding daft as I am. Which cant be bad.

It's such a simple format, short and sweet and in my case, apart from the few peeps on there who I have actually seen in the flesh and very anonymous world and with me being such an antisocial  old tart suits me down to the ground. 

The fact that people seem to be really blunt and to the point I really love. It's just a even nerdier version of me I guess. I like it a lot and for that reason alone have hardly touched facebook in ages. In fact, had a good ole internet shite clear out the other week deleting myspace account(s) (Why the bloody hell did I have three???) I will still keep the 2 facebook ones though as in all fairness you dont really need to be active on them much and its always worth a giggle to see how some of the illiterate fucks I went to school with are bickering. And always handy for twitter fodder too.

So that's me, currently. Still alive and at some point I will tell you all about my bad neck and subsequent visits to a chiropractor, mostly involves me saying "cooor fuck" a lot but helps.

What the hell is it with big companies these days?

On the plus side, the week has gone surprisingly well.

The hotel we initially stayed in whilst down in London to see Stephen Fry has  given us a refund (not that it was much in the first place! That is great! However my gripe is with booking.com

They for some weird reason have no interest in the fact they are 'peddling' a hotel for want of a better word is dangerous! Useless I tell you! Not that it really matters as I have reported the hotel to the local authority environmental health team and - no surprise they already have an ongoing case with regards to them already.

So what other big firm has annoyed me today? B&Q

In the last 5 days I have telephoned 4 times now, every time leaving my name and number awaiting someone to call me back and have they bloody bothered? Have they hell. It's getting to the stage where i am just going to say fuck it and take the bloody faulty shower back and demand a replacement.

Is it really that hard to return a phone call? No it bloody isn't so today B&Q get the golden shit of the day award. 

I would say you should all be very proud but that kind of defeats the point really.

A day/night of champions

After a month without the likes of young Schmoo, the OH & myself decided that it would be a good time to do something exciting and different. We booked it all a couple of weeks back and have certainly been looking forward to our little day trip to London with the intention of seeing a superb show to boot.

The show in question was Stephen Fry's first ever performance in which he was pretty much answering questions as asked from his fan's via twitter - name of the game was #FryRAH for those of you whom may "twitter"

The venue was the Royal Albert Hall, Kensington London and here is pretty much how the two days off work panned out.

After arriving early to catch the train from Norwich to Liverpool St London (a theme of the day it seems this early lark) We managed to find our reserved seats, of which we had booked a table seat facing forward in the quiet carriage. We arrived into our designated seats, Granted facing forward but no table in sight and in a carriage with various gobby twats on their mobiles all shouting, pretty much not needing their phones as all and sundry could certainly hear every crap part of the pointless conversations.

Not to worry, settled in for the two hour slog with the usual "tosser's" muttered under ones breath.

Arrived, hopped on the tube to South Kensington and headed for the "hotel" I had booked when ordering the tickets weeks before. I would like to point out the word "hotel" is used incredibly loosely in this sentence!

Ok I certainly dont deny that on searching for the hotel for the one night the theory was:

Cheap, cheerful, clean and secure. Simple really. It was just going to be a place to sleep to be honest.

So imagine our utter delight when on arrival the first thing you see is not one, or two but THREE printed off signs stating 

"The hotel takes no responsibility for the loss of anything within the hotel"

I'm sorry? Surely that's illegal? (For the sake of those who don't know, it is.)

Ok so we booked a double room via a "booking" website The room was cheap, granted but what we saw when we did go up into the bowels (and I mean that literally) we were if nothing else a little taken back.

The room was 4m x 6m, A TV with 2 channels & no remote, Nothing to make a cuppa of any shape or form,The bed was probably big enough for OH but I would never have fit in as well, carpets my dead Grand-parents would have been proud to have in their living room (and the fact they looked like they hadn't been hoovered since they died either, the door didn't lock properly (which explained all the signs) There was just a sink in the room and the "communal" shower room initially looked like it was painted a weird dark grey/blue colour. I was so thrilled when I realised it was actually mould.

After going back down to reception saying were were not going to stay, they did offer us another room. I looked in the door. That was enough thank you.

It was at that point I met up with OH who had gone down via the stairs where so much construction work was taking place there were cables hanging out of walls, extension leads & tool trailed and strewn all up the stairs (this being the fire escape also). I think we can safely say it certainly didn't install enough confidence for us to stay. We left oddly enough.

Don't get me wrong, both myself & OH have worked for an events company and believe you me we have stayed in some bloody humdinger of a crap hotel before but the pair of us were both astounded that this place could actually be allowed to open to paying customers! It was a bloody death trap!

So wandering up the road, now knowing we would have to find another hotel costing yet more pretty damn sharpish, we went into the Holiday Inn, South Kensington.

Now granted, we had to pay for the privilege and seeing as it was some sort of "Fashion week" apparently there were very few rooms left - we still managed to scrape into a yummy double room, en-suite, fresh towels, TV with many channels that worked (with a remote) , tea & coffee stuff, HUGE comfy bed, towelling robe, slippers, wonderfully hot shower, doors that locked, quiet hmmm I could go on but I think you can get the way I am going with this.

£230 lighter I might have been but worth every penny and that is what credit cards are for after all.

We sorted out our stuff for the evening and toddled off to get some food before getting our arses over to the RAH.

Lovely yummy meal in a local restaurant, stuffed me good and proper, then started to wander off to the venue to have a gander.

Two bloody hours before they opened the doors we arrive *sigh* so we sat for a bit, wandered for a bit then sat a bit more until we saw people starting to mill into the venue and toddled off to our "in the roof" seats.

The Royal Albert Hall as a venue it utterly spectacular, but what an optical illusion! It really does strike you as being huge when you see televised shows. Now allowing for the fact we were so high up I am sure there was a slight whiff of altitude sickness from many an audience member but you have expect that in the pauper area :)

The show was truly superb. It was different, which is what made it so special I guess. I swear to god I could just sit and listen to him waffle on for hours. The man is so witty, funny & genuine it's very refreshing to find some honesty even if as a celebrity he does have to be guarded for obvious reasons.

It was incredibly thought provoking, utterly hilarious and well worth the jaunt and the climb up what seemed to be 48000 stairs to our seats.

On that note I would like to say that I really do hope the second show he is doing tonight goes as well and is just as successful & funny.

So after all that excitement, retiring to a stonkingly superb hotel room was utterly bliss and I certainly slept like a brick! (hmm ok I normally do I know but.... y'know :D)

So after choo choo - ing it back home again all relaxed, loved my two day adventure and will at some point remove the mental block I have installed ref the credit card bill!!!

A friday the 13th I would like to forget.

Annoyingly for some, Friday the 13th's are normally rather good in the pants household.

Unfortunately today wasn't the case in the slightest.

After a brief morning at work, I then had to bite the bullet and take schmooster to the vets as the tumour was getting to the stage it affected her eating, washing and general comfort.

I've never actually taken a pet to be put down before and even the though of it coming home from work before hand had me in tears. The vets are really good about it all but there is just nothing more heart wrenching than knowing you've killed something that you loved so much, regardless of how much it was for their own good in the long run.

I've just buried her in her favourite spot in the back garden where she used to sunbathe. I really do hope she is no longer in pain and at some point I will stop crying and missing her because at this moment in time it just hurts so much.

I'm so sorry Schmoo, please forgive me

x

I swear to god...

I am gonna punch someone.

Schmoo is still as fine as can be expected, but now just in case I wasn't "petted out" bloody DB seems to have pulled her sodding back again and has been in a lot of pain all day.

She must have done something to pull it over night as was reluctant to go into the garden this morning without an escort, she's walking like someone's stuck a stick up her arse and when she's had enough of walking just sits down and stays put for an hour or two.

We did finally manage to get her to go out for a crap this morning, then we went out for an hour to allow her to settle down and rest. That did her some good as she was much chirpier when we got back home but she is still uncomfortable. 

The worst problem? For a dog she is a proper worrier, it gets really silly sometimes with her winding herself up into a panting frenzy.

So we are going to keep plying her with the anti-inflammatory tablets which do help her settle and sleep, give her overnight tonight and see how she is in the morning.

I swear if Tigger now gets anything wrong with her I will scream!

Ahhh fuck it

Bad news, I am temporarily back on the fags.

The reason I say temporarily is just a minor setback in the life of pants and thats poor little schmoo or Nipper as her name is and for that reason I am just really fucked off.

We got the lab results back from her lump and it seems it's quite a nasty invasive one of which we could send her to have it operated on they say there is normally only a good change of recovery if they take a good 2 - 3 cm of tissue from around the lump and seeing as this lump is currently located in her jaw, that would be pretty much her entire head so no, that just isn't going to happen. They are saying how invasive it has been already we will be lucky if she survives around a month.

On the plus side she went in this morning to have her stitches out and has since managed to open up the wound again so back she went again this afternoon to the vets who decided it wasn't worth trying to stitch it back up again as that would just seal in whatever gunk is still trying to weep out and we should just keep it clean. Not that it's bothering her - we always said she was quite stupid that one and that's seeming to be a good point at the moment as she's still as happy as Larry and toddling around as if she has not a care in the world bless her.

Obviously we are both quite gutted but will certainly appreciate the last few weeks that we have the little dafty loon with us still.

 I hate this part of owning pets. Breaks your heart when they do decide that's it.

Poor little schmoo.

I swear to god am gonna kill someone.

Today I can only describe my mood as angry... bloody angry.

Not only have we now had it confirmed that schmoo nippy noo has a cancerous lump of which the operation which could remove it, is very unlikely to to actually cure anything which has left us with a cat who all in all is currently not bothered by it as we are going to let her be now until the point when she is no longer comfortable then go with the option we are dreading.

Bless her cottons lets hope she hangs in there for a while yet.

And now just in case that wasn't annoying enough, what is with people buying stuff on ebay, breaking it then wanting a refund? Thats two we have now fucking had in the last week and I am sick to the back teeth of it.

all I will say is

wankers!

 

Life can be really mean sometimes.

Hmmm having a bit of a gutted kind of a day. 

We took one of the cats into the vets the other week as she had a lump appear on her jaw to the left side of her face. Not that it is bothering her or anything but obviously concerned us two. 

The put her out, stuck a needle in it to give us an idea as to what we are possibly dealing with. She them came back with what was an enlarged saliva gland thing with a dose of anti-biotics to ease it down.

Bad news is it didn't and we took her back in today, they put her out, opened it up and have now decided that it is in fact likely to be a tumour which is spreading down towards her throat. So they have now biopsied it to send away to tell us if it is benign or not.

Poor little Nipper. Not that it is bothering her just well, apart from the effects of still being off her tits from being knocked out.

So hopefully the test will come back clear and we will have at least a while with her before any drastic action could possibly be needed.

Fingers crossed all will go well... wish us luck.

x

Oooooohhhh shiny templates

Yeah I know, a sucker for a new button to play about with things.

So I'm back today. Deciding that I actually don't spend enough time being "online social" as I have previously been in the past... so... here's what I have decided to start making a bit of an effort with:

Facebook... nah, not really. As most of you are aware I have two accounts. One for people who are likely to be reading this who I actually talk to and like of which is not searchable, the other which all the twats and fuck wits I used to work with or go to school with get the privilege of. (Or not as the case is)

Twitter - ohhh forgot about that again... so have activated my phone and will honestly make a slight effort to start using it. I wont be linking it to Facebizzle though.

My blog.... nope scratch that I'm doing that now - veeeeery sneaky miss B lol

Other than that rubbish, here's a minor update.

legs of little passed his motorbike test yesterday (well done hon!)

I have had a virtual week off as we have had no work in, honestly getting bored with it now.

Today's efforts are to cut the grass, weed the garden and re-pot some of the random veg getting a bit mad these days!

Who would have thought?

Making the effort - well sort of!

Seeing as he is such a star, Legs decided to treat me to a pair of the latest Reebok Easytone trainers to see if doing what I do every day (namely walking) could help try to tone up ones rather enlarged due to giving up the fags weight gain. 

Ok so I'm not expecting them to help me lose weight but they can't not help to at least tone up what is there!

 So after owning the trainers for a few days and knowing that they were already doing something, he also treated me to a pair of the flip flop versions to wear as slippers round the house too.

Bargain!

  So major thanks to the other half for his cash efforts towards my efforts to try to tone up and lose weight, you're lovely :D

And if my arse ever looks like even remotely like the arse in the picture below,

I will be VERY happy!

Vehicles, elections and how far away?

I don't know what's more annoying, the election or the whole having been stuck grovelling to my boss to be able to borrow his wife's car for the week. Obviously it wouldnt bee so bad as if I have no car - no surveys!

So Saturday last week I decided that I was going to change Trevor for a van - see previous posts etc.

We toddled off round a few places selling vans and were utter heartbroken to find they would only give us £2500 for a car we paid £5000 for not two months earlier... ffs so on that whim forked out the £40 and advertised it in auto trader - phone call that evening, visit the next day and sold. wow, who would have thought and also for £3700 which was a much more reasonable figure.

This also left us with cash for me to go find a van and indeed I have. Drove all the way up to bloody NorthYorkshire to get it but new van I have! Thank you honey xx

So other than that updated bit of life in Clements Castle... there is the ultimate bane of my life here in the UK currently. The general election. Now I am not going to partake in saying who I have voted for because this is exactly what gets my goat. It is a personal decision, you read the manifestos for the groups involved and decide what one you agree with the most and would like to happen. 

What has REALLY pissed me off is actually other peoples opinions on facebook via status feeds.

1. Social networking is not a political tool, do not use it to try to convince me otherwise.

2. I don't give a monkeys arse who you are voting for, stop going on about it every five fucking minutes.

3. OK so if you are going to do the two things above, at least have the decency to actually make you ow fucking mind up about who you want to vote for instead of just voting labour because you parents always did.

Whatever sort of a stupid ignorant fucking way about it is that?

Jesus people are so stupid sometimes. Use your own brains PLEASE!

That is all, tired now.. nighty night xx

 

Alas Trevor - we knew him well....

"and relax"

Well as much as I can now considering I have no bleeding car! 

Awwww poor Trevor the 307, but at least he has now gone to a kind, caring new home - somewhere tthe owner wont bloody hate it :D

So now I am out on the look for a van, will be much easier for work I can tell you!

Will update as and when I can move again!

How rubbish is that?

 Today - I have been mostly fuming. The reason? The bloody Pug from hell Trevor.

Actually, I really cannot blame the car. The only peeps I can blame really is the dealer, who.. fair play to him was getting faults fixed... granted that should have been done BEFORE he sold the car but hey ho.

And then we have the garage he sent it to - for the checking of the timing belt. they need a shotgun round the swede it seems.

The car went in for three things. One of which was the brakes. The fact they sold me a car with discs and pads that should have been changed. Then the whining noise from the belt, which after advice from 2 mechanics and the AA warranty people wanted the bloody thing at least checked. 

The third thing is a front suspension noise which is actually getting less frequent so not really too fussed about that as of yet.

So went back to the dealer a week and a half ago. He could only book it in to be done today (also allowed me to arrange this with boss) and dropped it off, was told to return at 16:00 so grabbed a bus ticket for the day and sodded off into town.

Spend the day faffing about doing shite then had a good mate drop me back there at 4pm to the delight of no dealer, no car and a mechanic who for all he could do was useless.

He stated that he had done the brakes on my car so that wasn't too bad, then the dealer had taken it to the other garage to get the belt checked, they in turn took it in, took it to bits then at 4pm went home.

Bless them. So now because they have no spare car they can lend me I am driven home by their "boy",

have no ability to go to work tomorrow, you can imagine how chuffed that made the boss. And can do nothing now until tomorrow when they come to pick me up to get it again.

Fucking useless I tell you !

The whole world has turned into a scam I tell you....

Selling a car on any site seems to be the funniest thing ever these days.

For obvious reasons I used one one my many 'other' email address's so as to not really care about how much crap came through after the event as such.

But the ultimate classics so far have been:

I am very interested in your car but can only pay using PayPal - SCAM

I want to buy your car now for more than you are selling it for using Western Union - SCAM

however the best one was someone asking questions that had been answered in the listing, then saying why were there two versions then a link to "said" page which was an unofficial login page for ebay for some kind little shit trying to get my log in details. 

Dont even get me started on trying to sell a sodding mobile phone. Three times it has sold and then been cancelled due to the winning bidder having been "hacked"

I am sick to death of it I tell you.

The world has just gone conman mad !!! Bastards!

On the plus side, thank to all for your grand birthday wishes & cards - some very funny :)

I had a wonderful day turning 36.... Cup of tea in bed, LL took me out for breakfast then we dropped off Db @ Mumsies and went fishing! It was great, not at all cold, new float suit and hot boots worked a treat.

Only down side - didn't catch bugger all *sigh*

Oh well

Well it turns out..... I'm a bit of a daft cunt me.

But the worst part of it, I really should have known better! Well certainly if my age has anything to do with it!

So in keeping up with what I have already written, The Pug is for want of a better word - shite. Neither myself or the LL one like it, and we have since traded in his car and I now have a scooby impreza... oh dear god lmao!

Talk about fooking petrol head! However this is an estate so not really quite as boy racer as some have expected. Mum included :)

So The dastardly Trevor mobile is now up for sale on a generic auction site :) and once that's gone we can then find LL something too... he does actually really like the scooby as well so I can see him getting himself a turbo version...

But I really would like to share with you my day today which was... somewhat odd. I booked the day off

to take the scooby in to have the rear windows tinted so to save the daft black labrador cooking in the back... decided on the "limo" black version which does make it look very thug like lol

so I took the car in knowing it was going to take approx all day to do... what the hell was I going to get up to? So bought a dat trip bus ticket and spent the first 2 hours pottering about town just with arse in a bus watching the world go by. After this and trainers having fallen to bits and needing to go and find some replacements decided to actually go in and do some shopping. 10 mins later I have shoes and was wearing them. Hmmm feeling peckish so popped into a cafe for a fry up... thinking that should be a good hour... nope all done in 20 mins. *sigh*

Hmmmm got on another bus and went the whole route out of town then back in again.

Still utterly bored went past the crop shop hairdressers and had a wash cut blow dry and straighten for a £10... yep only 20 mins there too. Then popped into waterstones, got a book and a hot choccy to go and got back onto a bus where the car was, sat arse down in the reception area and read quietly in the corner.

Dear god! When did I lose all ability to keep myself busy and not bored or frustrated with anyone and everyone in the world? Even the poor hairdresser got the sharp end of me and she was complimenting me at the time for how much of an ideal customer I was.. going in, asking for a trim and thats it...

I was then going to say maybe I am just turning into one of the grumpy old women from said TV programme of the same name but I know that isn't true so why lie? I AM A GRUMPY OLD CUNT!!! have no ability to buy a proper car first time round and have the social skills of a sloth on sedatives.

But you know what? Thats just the way I like it and I'm not changing for no bugger!

And finally after a VERY long week....

..... we have a result!

I am now the proud owner of a stonking wee pug 307 and am certainly a lot happier than I was this morning!

All this is thanks to the darlin' t'other half. Thanks babe. Love ya.xxx

The week however has not been quite as smooth as the whole changing crap over from one car to the other.

I was quite surprised that the dealer in question gave me 100 quid for my car in part exchange, even though it has had over £300 worth of bits on it of late, the bugger had started to make the sodding universal joint noises in the bleeding back after all that - so that was it, needed to go before it was even more costly that it had already been of late.

So Saturday as I stated before, deposit was placed on said pug. Loan had already been arranged and was due into the bank account any day really. So all that was needed was my new car insurance document so as to allow the car dealer to tax it. 

I phoned Admiral Monday afternoon who were great in all fairness. We figured the cash would have arrived by Wednesday so set that as the change over date knowing the certificate was sent out by first class post so would certainly be here by then.

Was it? was it fuck.

I was finally at the end of my patience this morning when I phoned Admiral asking if it had actually beed sent out first class Monday night as the gimp has stated on the phone. Evidently it had, and really unless it didnt arrive today the only option I would have had wound be request a "next day delivery" and the bargain price of £7.50. If you think I was going to be paying for that service just because their system is shite... I think not.

I spent the time wisely being very optimistic, emptying all the crap out of the old car. Another thing that made me think - as good as the scenic was for nooks and cranny's to store stuff... that car was FULL of crap!

I wont be putting anywhere near as much of that shite back in the new one. Bad enough for my fuel economy carting Bob about without all that shite as well!

Then all I could do was sit here twiddling my bloody thumbs waiting for our postie... who normally appears any time after 11:30. Imagine how chuffed I was when the cunt appeared at 13:40.

Granted, it wasn't our usual lad, so couldn't rip his head off and shit down his neck for being so bloody late but alas there in the pile of post & parcels was my new insurance certificate.

Hooofucking rah!

So just after 14:00 I grabbed all my papers for the car and toddled off to go do the swap.

So now since getting the little car home again, have put the crap that "is" going back in also set up the whole sat nav and such guff all ready to go basically. Well that and the fact that I can get ALL of the surveying kit in the boot! How cool is that!

I am absolutely chuffed to bits with it, Legs has already taken it round the block for a spin and also likes it too.

Just a shame he's got to wait 3 months to finalise the whole welcome cunts car finance car as purchased by his somewhat rubbish ex wife all those years ago.

Wooo hoooo!

How much of a lucky little bugger am I?

Oh the excitement!

I've giggled lots today because of two things. One because I have had the worst constipation over the last two days and finally managed to shift "some" of it this morning, also the fact that this afternoon we put a deposit down on my "newer" car... then the fact we decided - just for a giggle to get matching ish personlised number plates for the to "newer" cars when we get the second one for little legs.

How daft and silly is that!!!! 

So as soon as the loan comes through, we will have - for me:

a 2003 peugeot 307, a tidy little number to allow for the work mileage I now do, with a nice economical diesel engine and low mileage for its age. then... fingers crossed, Si will be the proud owner of a BMW Z3 bless him...ha ha ha tart!

OK so mine has a deposit down on it already so as good as bought but he's still got to wait till mines all finalised and see the funds left to get his.

So I for one will be much happier knowing I have a car that isn't going to keep going wrong every 5 mins it seems and a little work horse to help with the amount of work travelled.

And I can't wait for it to be sorted and to replace the renault!

Yay!

It's hard to describe as to why but what a good day.....

Nothing amazing, just a day taking Mum shopping and trying to catch up with all the issues being stuck without a car. But yep, a day I have enjoyed (which I normally never do when it involves Mum and a supermarket)

Maybe it's the refreshed outlook I have on life knowing I have finally said my piece to my sister or the fact I keep secretly giggling that what she actually has to do for Mum these days (namely sorting out her finances and such like) is really bugging her when all of the years I was the one who because still lived near Mum & Dad did all their running around, getting stuff and generally fannying about to every whim.

Am I sympathetic to my sister and her plight? nah am I fuck. Get used to it luv, it isn't gonna stop any time soon so time to pay your way too.

So now after explaining all this to my Mum today who was really very understanding, I feel grand.

And can now get on with my life without the only opinionated git well and truly out of it!

How lush will that be!

Hello, Good evening and welcome!

Well I must apologies to those of you who were expecting to find me via the usual "happy with my wash" blog spotty thingty whatsit, but due to reasons I shall explain in a moment I needed to get back to the anonymity once again... well only from my sister it seems!

There was what can only be described as and exchange of true feelings between myself and said 'sister' of which after a cheeky arsed comment in relation to how I spent my money received as Christmas presents. ( yes, because that's her business after all now isn't it)

Obviously I wont go into too much detail because to be honest I really cant be arsed! But her usual sarcastic, patronising, snobby, treating me like a dumb fuck attitude really did make me fucking raw this time. You know what it's like, being family you just sit back, bite your tongue and normally ignore such jibes.

Nope, not this time. I decided to actually reply, stating just how fucking angry I was with her attitude and the fact that until she got all her facts straight she should just shut the fuck up and keep her opinionated comments to herself.

I also listed everything she had quoted I had been wasting my money on of late, and the fact that by justifying anything I had actually been doing or not as was the case proving she was wrong, should have check her facts first or god forbid actually asked me about what was happening. But no, she wouldn't talk to me now would she because it's none of her fucking business.

Either way I got a really nice "true colours" reply from her last night. Did it once mention the fact that she was wrong? Or admit she didn't get her facts straight before sprouting off her  patronising opinions one me once again? Was she even slightly apologetic for having put me down constantly for years?

Did she fuck.

She explained to me in detail about all of my numerous character flaws, how much of a bane I have always been to her throughout life, called me useless once again and that fact she has had to do sooooo much for me (listing everything down to each last detail of course) because remember, I am after all useless, can't do fuck all for myself and would just collapse into a quivvering mental heap without her to sort all my problems out.

Hmmmmm odd that, it never once mentioned any of the things I have actually done for her during our lifetime... or the fact that I have never actually asked for her help, it just seems to be lobbed in my general direction all the fucking time like it or not. Then the fact that anything that is said is always done in such a patronising bloody way of which I had just had a gutful of. Yep I was not allowed to have a go at her because obviously that there pedestal she's slapped herself on was far too high for her to be able to even want to know about little ole me... :D

So after this lovely once again very patronising email that didn't even mention anything I had said in the previous one which just as per usual put me back down where I deserve to be I have replied with the fact that it proved without a doubt that I was in fact correct in my assumtions that she's living in her own little fantasy dream world is a patronising cunt and I'm not just imagining it!

Oh well, not to worry, I wont be bothering you anymore as I really do feel a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders today and by jove, it might just have been my sisters foot off my head!

Funny as much as she didn't like me, I could list the things I cant stand about her threefold.

Good riddance

Angry? I should fucking say so.

I would just like to state for the record that if you are reading this blog and making up your own version on what my financial status is, you might want to check your email then decide what you want to make up, as I for one have had a fucking gutful of pretentious crap thanks. as my head now hurts. Oh and if its that much of a problem, stop reading my blog... simple!

Jinxed I tell you.... fooking jinxed!

Oh come on, what have I one to deserve this, this time?

Well whatever it is it's pissing me off royally I can tell you.

One is Short arses ex wife who is starting to turn into the bain from bloody hell with her ability to sweep everything under the carpet and be "protected" from it. Personally I would just beat her about the head with the fact hat WE are now expecting a call from bailiffs as from tomorrow. Oh such joy.

I would say that this is the least of my worries, but it actually is! The good news is the local "rival" surveying company who have somehow been undercutting our quotes by £150 a day have now gone bust! hmmm odd that.
But the good news is that we are already getting the back lash of work we missed out on... awww shame for them eh?

So I will be busy for a while it seems, will be hopefully getting arse into gear to get my financial situation sorted... once again caused by ex missus bless her fooking socks.

Fuck it, I give up - I really do.

Revenge of the wheels....

Well what can I blame? The weather? my somewhat lack of real maintenance? the fact I have to carry around a rather large gentleman for work? or just because the fact that my car is in fact just an R reg Renault scenic which has had it.

I'm guessing the latter.

And what has happened I hear you cry? Ok well maybe not but at least raise an eyebrow at least.

Nope this morning one of two things happened. Either my suspension has decided to just give out or my arse was that heavy this morning when I got in the car it decided "enough was enough"

Whatever the cause, the whole car has dropped in one corner (which does look most amusing - must be said) and I had to decide if I call someone out to me at home or at least try to limp into town (only about 11 miles after all... errm lol)

I got in, started the car and drove to the end of the road as a test. Hmm definitely not a happy car as you could hear the bodywork dragging on the actually tyre. So did I do the wise clever thing? Drive back to home and call the mechanic from there? Nahhhhh

I get back in and drive, using the back roads to mumsie Banks' at about 15 MPH much to the delight of everyone else commuting this morning.

So now, I sit here at mumsies, playing on her laptop waiting for the mechanics to come and collect the bloody thing to fix it!

Judging by all of my friends of late this is certainly not the first car to go screwy of late - so not expecting much sympathy. But maybe a little bit of a sigh of relief as was sure if anything the clutch was gonna give out first!

Talk about jinxed of late!

bah humbug

I know I can be a bit blunt sometimes but...

Fuck me did that hurt!

Yes, today I got my christmas pressie from the little legged one and it was a bloody great pisces fish tribal thingy kind of a design and as big as it was and as much as it hurt like buggery I LOVE IT! It's a pressie that I really wanted and it's perfect.

Only problem I have now is it's currently on my rather flabby bod of which I now need to get back into shape before I will feel comfortable showing it off to the world.
However, you can see the photo the guy took after he did it as he managed to somehow disguise just how fat I have been getting since the stoppage of fags..


But... that's not all I had done. I actually had another thing done of which I am a lot more proud of which is an addition to the original tribal tattoo on my right wrist and its:


So there we have it, yet more branding, of which my Mother will probably be mortified with when I do eventually decide to show her. But the most painful I have had but also the nicest.

As a suggestion to anyone else considering having a side tattoo, try sticking a snow shovel up your arse as it's probably less painful.

But daft as that is, still worth it.

Thanks Little legs, best present ever.
x

Happy New Year and all that tosh :P

Wow, what a fantastic Christmas and new year I've just had!

I shall recall it all to you in reverse as I am just rubbish at trying to remember chuff all these days- I'm guessing it me age *sigh*

Today we have had poorly Simon, not quite sure as to what is ailing him but sure he will recover...
So what did Little legs and I do for New Years Eve? Did we go out, get drunk? did we bollocks... We went fishing and how cool was that! The only catch was my wee 1/2lb whiting and I can only put that down to fluke! It was rough as arseholes in the end and we finally gave up and came home for a well earned bath. Click here for piccys
So once again... working backwards.... Christmas day here at Clements Castle with Mumsie Banks and Uncle Marmite which ended with much drunk Wii Sports playing... Lets just say all 4 of us couldn't move Boxing day due to bowling and baseball.... funny, very funny. Oddly, we didn't take any bloody photos Christmas day so can't share those but lets just say the other classic was the amount of Guinness consumed and the rather large amounts of stinky farts for the next 12 hours.

Then, the one other thing we realised today was I have now stopped smoking for a whole year. Fucking hell I would never have imagined that!

So the challenge for this year is to lose the bloody weight I have gained since stopping smoking!
Bunter Banks for hopefully not much longer.

Best wishes to you all for a prosperous 2010.