It hit home a bit today....

I have been very lucky this first week of S&L starting deployment training. After expecting to see nowt of him until, maybe this weekend if I am lucky, I have had two nights where he has been able to pop home, granted only for an hour if that but I get to see him all the same.

For this I feel blessed. Especially after he phoned this afternoon. He was obviously filling in more of the forms and such like for next of kin and stuff and rang asking for his Mum's address to obviously go on record too.

The next question is the one that sank in and chilled me to the bone.
Did I want the welfare officer there to ring me with updates when there was no chance he could actually contact me himself. I have said yes but it's that whole " I won't be able to even talk to him very soon" and that is currently scaring me to death and I think will just about break my heart.

I've been through so much in the last year and a bit, supporting him through his split with the wife, changing of jobs, homes and generally trying to get his life together again after such a trauma. Also, stepping out of the picture when it seemed he should have had time as single person... of which being an idiot he was sucked in by a sob story...

I soon changed that back to how it should be and without pressuring, demanding and by being as supportive as I could, I now have the most amazing relationship with a very caring, wonderful thoughtful person for whom I love very much and can only hope he could love me as much in return. But most of all, I have gained the best friend I could ever have imagined in a million years.

So now, for the first time ever in my life with a bloke, I really miss him. As proud as I am of what he is doing I want to be selfish and say don't go, but obviously I wouldn't
I will say though that when he does come back safe and sound from this tour I might just have to be a tadge more vocal should he consider going again...

I hope he doesn't want to but then it will never be for me to make that decision.

So that's my little mind of concern of the day... I'll probably be fine on a mo and not even think about it in a bit but I am starting to think maybe I am jinxed sometimes. I finally get a fantastic lad and can't get to keep him, even if only for a while.

Bugger!

Now this exactly why my friends ARE my friends.

After my blog yesterday ref the somewhat waif and stray person wanting me to be social for what is - her benefit, not really mine... imagine my utter delight on reading my mates comment on how to reply to her text message just now;

The Widge said...

Something along the lines of "many thanks for your kind offer, but I have joined a Vodka and Tea-based cult and the rules say we aren't allowed to associate with half-wits and emotional leeches" should probably do the trick. ;-p

See? now that is exactly why Widge is my friend....
I have just about damn near wet myself.

But alas I have also gained another friend recently who is actually a close friend of S&L's but with her I actually get on really well with because she isn't a needy, whiney pain in the arse desperately grabbing for attention.

So here's the other thing the other gained friend knows said whiney needy lass very well, so I thought I would ask her opinion on how to reply in a somewhat tactful way.

Hers was very useful also with "Thanks but I'm doing ok so far, so shall see how it goes"
Or just if I couldn't manage to get that out to just ignore it.

Well what will I actually do? hmmmm I wonder.

Wonder my arse, I deleted the text - that decided for me.

And then, just when you thought it was all over...

He snuck home last night for half an hour to collect his new boots he had ordered.
(Smiling Bird again)

A busy day is a godsend but bloody knackered.

Well after the first job of the day in Old Buckenham which after the client appeared on site only to make our lives a bleeding misery and wanting more really inconveniant stuff on the only day we had yet another job booked in for the afternoon.... ohh hark at our hard work :)

Then when we did get to the second job we had the privilege of boss man "forgetting" to mention that he had been there before and there was a discrepancy that would for obvious reasons would bugger up what we were supposed to do.

Finally, after many phone calls, conformation on what he actually wanted we managed to finish off and sod off home again. Hoorah!

So picked up the Deefus on the way home and since being home have produced one of the smaller drawings but have said sod it, and will do the rest tomorrow when I have chuff all work booked in.

So now I have two things to do this evening. One of which is to have a long soak in the bath and the second is to figure out how the bloody hell I reply to a text message of someone I used to work with who is far too needy for my liking, asking if I struggle whilst Simon's away, want a cup of tea or a glass of wine to pop round. What makes it worse is she also only lives about 4 miles away from here, is desperately lonely with I'm guessing no really close friends and if I am honest I would rather gouge out my eyes with a blunt spoon than go anywhere near her.

You just know where it will go if I do, her spilling all her bloody woes of life onto me and me not really giving a monkeys arse. I have already in the last two years managed to get rid of two people in my life who in all fairness I should have gotten rid of many years before and now knowing that I don't need to even think about it any more lifes much easier!

Selfish I may be but fuck it, I'm looking after number one these days and will not be taking on board any weak waifes and strays as I really don't have the energy.
But there is also the fact that I have enough to worry about these days without adding to it.

Apologies but I ain'tgonna go there. Stuff it...
And now, how the hell do I word this text message without using the words...

"Fuck off"

I want an explanation and I bloody well want it right now!

How the bloody hell did I go from being a complete anti social misfit who would go to extremes to keep people out of her house / hair and life etc to a proper girly moment lala who is really missing someone?

When the bloody hell did that bugger sneak in? Proper sneaky fucker if you ask me.

So today is day one and if I am honest hasn't been too bad... had a bit of a dopey sniveling tart moment first thing after the lad actually went but luckily had Bob the chain man to keep me on the straight and narrow and... well properly distracted by pointing and laughing at all the clients today running around like headless chickens as they are after all - quite thick bless them.

I have though since coming home and finished faffing on the computer all the work for tomorrow now stopped, poured myself a vodka and though
"ohhhh it's bloody quiet here now" and where as before I would have absolutely loved that and strived for it to continue I find myself toddling round making random daft noises, singing and generally doing anything to make it loud and jolly. Db keeps giving me looks along the lines of : you just look a twat woman.
And just how slow is the time going? Jesus! - at this rate I will have a beard hair as long as my arm before he's home again.

Fingers crossed he 'should' be home for next weekend but I'm not going to get hopes up here as you just know if I do and he doesn't come back I will be mortified. And i really do need to keep ones self chipper for when he rings.

I also want to thank those special peeps who have been keeping me going with messages. Thanks loves and keep a sneaky eye on me eh? you know what I am like.
:)

I miss you Simon - this will be the longest year of my life I reckon.
x

Where's your head at.......

No idea if I am honest.

I've been through every sodding emotion under the sun in the last week and to be honest I am really bored with being a grumpy shit.

I'm scared that when S&L starts his deployment training Monday that I will miss him more than ever.

I'm frightened he's going to get hurt or worse when actually out playing with the T-Ban sorts.

I'm shitting myself that if he likes this one will want to do another one.

I have cried far too many times in the last 24 hours and now I need to just be strong, happy and support what it is he does.

I'm really going to be proper lost from next week.

Well that's just bloody typical.

Bearing in mind the time on startong this little ditty (05:58) and the fact that I have actually been awake... err actually WIDE awake since around 02:00, you can imagine that today in the aftermath I could take it easy, have a nap as and when I would require and pretty much sort myself out over the coming 24 hours...

This will not be the case because today is Short & loud's deployment BBQ for the handful of closest friends he has chosen, most of which will also be staying over in tents. As you can imagine - it's likely to get slightly messy! But fun all the same.

So now I will have the privalige of said BBQ looking like shite and proper knackered too boot!
Bugger.

Actually thats a lie, you know what these things are like... once the people start arriving, drink starts flowing and I've then forgotten all about spending the lasy 4 hours bored shitless, 2 of those hours spent trying to get the sodding internet connection back on again (chuffing thunderstorms) However - as you can see all here again and have every intention on spending however much longer S&L is going to sleep for, catching up on stuff I have missed on the internet due to me just be, well rubbish.

So fingers crossed I wont just collapse in a bowl of chilli, be it meaty or veggie... and fun and giggles had all round.

Photos will be facebooked as always.

Wobble spack doobry wibble la la

It's been a week of WFT to the highest degree for me it seems.
Don't quite know why but either way I have survived through to the other side somewhat drained but alive nonetheless.

I have worked 4 days (wooooo) Actually that's technically a lie, most jobs I do are out of site in the am then home - supposedly completing the computer side in the PM which I don't. More like either a sod off out with short & loud, or toddle off to the gym... or pretty much anything to save me actually having to do something.

Either way I have now caught up with all the drawings for work needed for clients, now know there is nothing in for tomorrow so actually have a day where I am able to catch up and sort out the surveying templates so I don't have to "convert" everything each time.
Also just get everything in order so I can sort it all out good and proper.

So the mentalist stuff this week? All short & loud. We have had varying tales as to what he will be doing and where and when after the 27th... we also have him getting his divorce sorted (finally) and the selling of general tat on ebay to try to make a load of dosh for skint little old me who is finally paying Mumsie Banks back what I borrowed last year.

But the funniest thing has been happenening in the last few hours right outside our front window. A silly progression of events but just downright funny to us all the same.

Now considering I call the livingroom window "Cat TV" I think I can see why the girls have been addicted.
To get you up to date with the story of the street we have a rather humungous woman, her husband and her yongest son & daughter living to the left of our window, a few houses down. Then to the right of the window another few houses down lives the woman aboves other (assuming eldest) daughter who herself has her own daughter (screaming little banshie style toddler) she lives there with her latest bit of fluff bloke.

Now we can only assume that they just don't do" anything, as all they ever seem to do is walk up and down the sodding street to and from each others houses. (I would like to point out this is an improvment as the rather large lass did initially drive between the two homes, all of 100 metres.

So imagine today when we have started to notice, not only are the back and forwards more than normal but taking from the mothers house so far -
a parasol,
garden chairs,
bags of food
what could have been a keg of beer
bottles of beers
blankets and such like.

So now, we are in a quandry, because if a sodding bbq is now wheeled past we are just going to go out and ask why the fuck they don't just have the party at the mothers house?

Dear god we are left giggling. Quite sad really on our part. not that we are sitting doing sod all but that we notice such shit!