"Change is good" Pffftttttt - My Arse!

Feel free to do the whole "Who are ya again?" seeing as I have been spectacularly useless at blogging. It wouldn't be quite so bad but I have had hardly any work over the last month so should have been muttering like a good'un, but alas no.

It is probably because of the same old reason, which has been 'I have had NOTHING to moan about!' Oh give over! How rubbish is that? (see, I can still always moan when I really want to!)

OK. so instead I am just going to have to update as to how this are going and probably make you all sick to the stomach at how properly girlie and vomit inducing my fantastic life has finally turned out. (You know what? even the prospect of hearing it myself turns my own stomach)

We've had a 6 week chunk of fat black labrador not being very well... Started out the daft bugger managed to scare me silly by pulling her sodding back! How the hell does a dog do that? Either way, trip to the vets, painkillers later and a whole lot of rest - of which she was then off down to big sisters for two weeks which was handy and she recovered from the back.
I went back to pick both her and Mumsie Banks up, got her home and sod me did she not get the worlds worst stomach upset of which had the poor little bugger with the squirts for two days. That and her hearing seemed to have nearly vanished whilst away as well.
Another trip to the Vets, a round trip of anti-biotics to sort out the guts and fingers crossed the ears as well and told they couldn't do her booster jabs until all that cleared up too.
So Friday we finally got her back to health enough to have her annual check up and boosters! Hoorah! Weirdest thing is yes she's still pretty much as deaf as a post even after drops but if that's the only thing which is still wrong with her then I'll go with that thanks. That daftness of her still hasn't subsided, the tail still wags enough to clear the coffee table in the lounge and as an added bonus, when she gets on the bed in the middle of the night and can't see nipper the cat already up there... doesn't hear her hissing and just settles down for a kip next to me bless her. So funny.

So what else? Had some bad news. My boss (the little Irish leprechaun) has still been having it rough of late. Considering he took me on to allow him to have his hip replacement done this year has really been an unlucky sod in some aspects. He was diagnosed just after the hip was done with prostate cancer, dragged in for an op, re-called in weeks later for another op. Has since then been told he will need to have chemotherapy as they still haven't managed to get rid of it all. I really do feel sorry for his wife Shirley as it must be frightening for them both and he isn't the worlds best patient. He has had some good things to this year though, one of his two remaining sons was recently married and the other son & wife had what was their first grand child which I think has really helped for sure.
Funny but things like this really do bring stuff home.

Stuff that I have not wanted to deal with of late: knowing January is looming and the only person I have ever really loved is going to scare the living biscuit out of me sodding off to shoot people. Hearing things about his training which does scare me even more, him sorting out his will (not nice AT ALL) But knowing the daft fucker might go and do another tour straight after this one.
It's killing me inside.

I don't half fucking pick em.

Okay then... time to put in a bit of effort me thinks.

I am very proud and bloody amazed that I finally managed to give up smoking in January this year. That is also the first time I have actually said "given up" and not just stopped.
That was more of a mind over matter thing with me nothing else.

And how do I know I will not start again? I know this because I have managed to have evening's with friends of which I can smoke a joint, get stoned and have no inkling as to having a ciggy again. For that reason, I am very pleased indeed.

However, now I am in another realm of which, if I don't make a start on getting it sorted now, I will be utterly buggered and the other half will be rather chuffed and I can't be having that!
This realm would be:

I am turning into quite a bit of a bunter.

OK so I am not into the standards of Typical American family these days, (no offence Tali & Jeanie) of the style where they cannot get in or out of a standard doorway without wanting to sue McbloodyDonalds for "making" them that way.... Hmmmm

Nope - not quite that bad... just enough for me to not feel comfortable and want to start to sort out said matter.

The first thing I have done? Cancelled my membership to the local gym. (Now have you really ever known me to do anything normal? Not a bloody chance)No other reason for that apart from being skint due to bugger all work coming in at the moment and wanting to pay Mum off first.

The other reason being - I have purchased myself to go with my Wii fit training thingy.... the active EA sports version. And if I am honest, that has motivated me more in the 5 days of it I have already done than anything else. It's bloody hard work mind and I'm only on the easy setting! It'd set me up on this "30 day challenge" and like i've mentioned, going all good so far.

The only other thing I need to start taking note of is what I am eating, to try to cut out a load of the sugar and even out my mealtimes. Should be a breeze ha ha!

so here we go< an on-line record as to how I am getting on with it!
starting weight : 71.5 KGS. (shocking!)
target weight : 60 kgs
(but obviously might struggle due to fat into muscle weight but will see) The other good thing is it keeps my distracted from little legs being away training and properly in January.
Ohhhh good'o!

That's it - Any kind of group with the name "cycle" at the end is now gone from my life.

In a previous life I was a blue meanie.

I have had it up to here today with the most anal, petty, idiotic pompous wankers that are more commonly known as moderators on any groups to do with freecycle, cheapcycle or anything else of this little dictatorship.

It wasn't a difficult task, just sell my double mattress on the cheap version for £30

It has turned into today an email fight with a right jumped up little Hitler.

Lets call her Kate, as that is in fact her name! None of the name hiding shit here. If was feeling REALLY mean Kate I would post your email address as well but you are quite safe for now.

I initially sent in the advert for said mattress first thing. Then later on when I had the chance took a photo to add to the advert. Being a sodding yahoo group you need to repost anything to let anyone know you have updated it. Bearing in mind the rules that you cannot re-post the same or similar in 7 days back pings an email response of:

Unfortunately we are unable to accept your post to cheapcyclenorfolk on this occasion. Please don't submit an item/Similar for sale more than once in any 07 day period. Kind regards and thanks for your understanding Allen C cheapcyclenorfolk Moderator Team

Realising that this would be the case decided to send back a snotty email of:

Sorry Alan, was just trying to update the fact there was a photo in the files for it now... not to re advertise it.
I guess you guys stick to the same stupid anal freecycle rules without using a bit of common sense as well...
Daft


Now forgive me if I am wrong here but it did say Allen on the first one.... hence I responded to Alan... yes I spelt it wrong. So imagine my utter delight when this little gem appeared:

I take great exception to your wording in your response. You may be completely honourable and only put an item on once in a day but there are others that don't. We do not have the time to read every single message individually - our time is given voluntarily so that people like yourself can advertise their sales and wanted ads.

I await your apology

Kate

Now I would go into great detail now as to how much I think of this now woman... but in fact all I am going to do is send you my latest reply back to her instead.

Well hello Kate,

Thank you for your email,

I grant you there could well be many people out there in the group who cannot read said rules and try their hardest to get their items ‘bumped’ up the list – of which no, I am not one. I just happen to not been able to take a photograph until after I had placed the initial add and wanted any potential buyers to be aware of the update. Nothing cheeky, or rule breaking committed just an update in information.

As for my reply to you. yes, I agree it might have been worded in such a way you didn’t like but oddly I still stand happily by what I emailed. The rules set up and kept to are far too black and white and for that reason I have responded to you in the way I have. What is the point of moderating the messages if you don’t bloody read them? If you had actually read the bloody email you would have realised that. Good job you are not being paid for it as you clearly are not doing the job properly. Rubbish in fact! Maybe you should go and work for the local authority – they thrive on such people.

In all honesty there is more chance of my arse healing up that you getting an apology you pompous jumped up little twat. (I’m guessing you will find that last be somewhat offensive as well)

Freecycle, cheapcycle – great theory, shame about the staff. Far too much like dictatorship to me.

That’s me done and dusted with it all before you can get the chance to ban me.

Sad, but life’s like that.

I don’t expect a reply (because I have added your email address to my block list)

Now there's an interesting symptom for the doctor...

Not only did I manage to get an emergency appointment today (after a bank holiday to boot) but I went in with the most embarrassing symptoms you could ever imagine today and you've guessed it.. got a bloke doctor.

So imagine my utter delight when explaining to said 50 year old chap in tweed that currently whenever I have an orgasm, my head goes into spasm, eyes feel like they are being sucked into my head, head pulses like its about to explode and evidently leaves me with this same pain for a good few hours. Now don't get me wrong, I know you are supposed to get 'explosions' and such like but triggering a sodding migraine? That's just not on at all.

Being quite concerned that maybe my blood pressure may be through the roof or something even more sinister lurking in the depths made the appointment today.

So I have had my blood pressure checked, perfect apparently. He's looked into my eyes with the lighty thing... nothing amiss there either. Also had me scrunching my face, gritting my teeth, hunching my shoulders all I am sure just for his own laughs. The prognosis however according to him is...
Fuck all wrong with you my dear.

Now I haven't had a migraine for fucking years and to be honest would be really pleased if I never ever have one again as they really are fucking awful. So the thing I have got to figure out is what is different of late that could be triggering them off again?

I'm thinking the most likely culprit is going to be diet so shall start making notes of exactly what I am eating and drinking to see if there is a pattern forming there.

I would like to point out that the fact that there obviously is some sort of an issue I need to sort as it''s hitting me exactly where it hurts.... in the sack! Bastard!

Now comes the painful bit....

Deployment started on July 27th. Has it actually really 'started' yet? Nope, obviously not as due to me being a very lucky sod, have had short and loud pretty much home for the duration apart from maybe one week.

Unfortunately now however due to his squadron he has now joined he will be there as of tomorrow good and proper. In fact he's just gone now, so as to be on base first thing for being n the range in the morning. Don't quite know why but this was first time after him leaving I feel like I've had my heart ripped out, and it's bloody awful. I can tell you.

My head hurts (from something unrelated this morning) and I just miss him terribly. I know it will all be fine, chances are he'll be back home next weekend but I really do feel empty tonight.

Not fair but that's just the way life goes sometimes I guess.

How much fun was that!

I have returned today for a night out with the Widgester, Jax, John Widgy's brother and his mate Jason (odd bugger but amusing all the same)

We dragged out daft butts down to Earl's court for the Great British Beer festival and by christ it was a giggle.

Granted didn't get shit faced (which isn't a bad thing) but even so did suffer ever so slightly today... but thanks to Widge's amazing fry up this morning I did recover enough to actually drive home!

So there you have it, still a bit hungover it must be said, tired, in need of a nap but might just have to go for hair of the dog in a bit !

heh heh....

It hit home a bit today....

I have been very lucky this first week of S&L starting deployment training. After expecting to see nowt of him until, maybe this weekend if I am lucky, I have had two nights where he has been able to pop home, granted only for an hour if that but I get to see him all the same.

For this I feel blessed. Especially after he phoned this afternoon. He was obviously filling in more of the forms and such like for next of kin and stuff and rang asking for his Mum's address to obviously go on record too.

The next question is the one that sank in and chilled me to the bone.
Did I want the welfare officer there to ring me with updates when there was no chance he could actually contact me himself. I have said yes but it's that whole " I won't be able to even talk to him very soon" and that is currently scaring me to death and I think will just about break my heart.

I've been through so much in the last year and a bit, supporting him through his split with the wife, changing of jobs, homes and generally trying to get his life together again after such a trauma. Also, stepping out of the picture when it seemed he should have had time as single person... of which being an idiot he was sucked in by a sob story...

I soon changed that back to how it should be and without pressuring, demanding and by being as supportive as I could, I now have the most amazing relationship with a very caring, wonderful thoughtful person for whom I love very much and can only hope he could love me as much in return. But most of all, I have gained the best friend I could ever have imagined in a million years.

So now, for the first time ever in my life with a bloke, I really miss him. As proud as I am of what he is doing I want to be selfish and say don't go, but obviously I wouldn't
I will say though that when he does come back safe and sound from this tour I might just have to be a tadge more vocal should he consider going again...

I hope he doesn't want to but then it will never be for me to make that decision.

So that's my little mind of concern of the day... I'll probably be fine on a mo and not even think about it in a bit but I am starting to think maybe I am jinxed sometimes. I finally get a fantastic lad and can't get to keep him, even if only for a while.

Bugger!