I'm sorry, what?: Addictively alluring….

Current mood:

stressed
Category: Life

On returning home, decided to say bollocks to the world and try out my bread maker I got for Christmas. Such a simple task you may thing and those in the know with such a device will now be sitting there nodding their heads in disapproval of my complete idiocy thinking "dear god you thick twat"

Either way, I will not let some piece of machinery flummox me and I have set about running the machine for the very first time.

I think I can honestly say it's driving me nuts. I have, as instructed washed out all the bits, set it running to get rid of any impurities from being new (what do they do to these things? Drag them through a field of cow shit before boxing them up?) Then read through a good 5 times the instruction manual which came with it so as to *hopefully* produce a simple white loaf. Now you just KNOW this isn't going to be the case.

Ingredients have been added as per the bag of ready mixed loaf bag of flour purchased (not quite THAT brave yet to use separate ingredients) Machine has been primed with what looks like the correct setting and press the start button.

So there I stand, looking at it for a good 2 minutes thinking "well, are you going to bloody do something?"

Read the book again… oh, it's in the heating phase…

Toddled off once again to do other things. Within 5 mins I hear this row coming from the kitchen which sounds like the Labrador has raided the tool shed, taken out the biggest arsed wood saw and was proceeding to cut up my kitchen table. Un-surprisingly this wasn't the case. I rush in there to find this little machine onto the "mixing" phase and whirring and banging like a good-un'. Ok… so nothing to panic about there… Toddle off again fannying about sorting out washing etc. Then within the next 10 mins I hear a noise that even put the wind up said Labrador. Now it was bloody "kneading" and doing the best to try walk its way off the worktop. At this point I had started to wonder however do people put these things on overnight to wake up to fresh bread? Now I do sleep like a brick but even I couldn't sleep through that row.

After wedging the little beast behind the toaster so as to stop it running off, have proceeded to get back in here to faff about on the computer for a bit. However I am now finding myself paranoid and checking on it every 5 mins… which to be honest is a bit laborious.

Evidently baking bread in one of these helpful little devices is probably easy for some but my stress levels are through the roof. This is worse than having bloody kids! Next it will stamp its feet demanding more ingredients.

Well there is a good few hours of it farting about before I will even see any sort of result so I shall let you know how it goes. This could be possibly be easier to see for yourself by just looking out of the window into my general direction and spotting a huge plume of smoke and if you are close enough the faint wail of all of Norfolk's finest fire-fighters trying to put out my bungalow….

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Ahhh ha! it worked, a treat in fact and I have just had my first piece of bread that *I* made!!!