Ideal man thoughts:

Current mood: complacent
Category: Life

For some strange reason I have been thinking over the past couple of days what my "Ideal man" would be.

Not that I am saying I'm looking, as I am not - just coming up with a criteria that any unsuspecting future 'Mrs Arse' would have to pass the grade.

I think I might subdivide my things into different categories just for anal dozy bird factor.

Looks:

(Well it is the very first impression after all – normally)

So, let's just think back to past tenses shall we? I have what would be called a 'somewhat unusual tastes'.

Not that these guys are unattractive, just… well kind of odd looking. With that in mind I think I am only going to accept someone who doesn't look like they could be an extra in a lord of the rings film from now on.

Sense of humour:

Now this is an absolute must and considering that they will be putting up with me, not a surprise either. I have been trained into a male dominated workforce so farting; belching, sexist jokes, foul lauguage and such the like do not offend me, never have. Also someone who can see the humour in the way I look or acts helps. An ability to be able to laugh at themselves also a key factor. Just make me laugh will you damn it?

Outlook on life:

I am not expecting an aspiring rocket scientist or brain surgeon here, just someone with the ability to see that life is what you make of it. Spend you life sitting on your arse collecting your dole money to go out and get pissed every Friday and Saturday night… well that's just not going to cut the mustard I'm afraid.

This also goes for those who are "settled" in life, think they have everything they could ever want and just turn into an old fart in both mind and body. Stuff that, there is always something else out there to explore be it education, broadening your horizons or just having the ability to absorb new things. Life does change and you need to absorb the best out of it you can.

Money;

This one's always a complete nightmare and not one of you will deny that, so the rule is, what's mine is mine… what's your's is yours and never the twain shall meet. I can work, will and get my own beer money thanks – I don't need yours.

Mutual gifts of course are always decided by the paddling pool full of mud fight - naked.

Opinions:

Ohhh now this one can be fun. But as long as you realise that I have mine and you have yours and whatever it may produce in any sort of confrontation you will never change each others thoughts or ideals… because that is after all what makes us all individuals. Bloody good job too.

Family:

Mine are insane but lovely and I wouldn't be without them. They are why I am here and why I am who I have become. If you don't like that then that's just tough shit. His family? Well that's the same old same old. I will show every respect where deserved and if they are treating me like shit I will return the favour. Doesn't take a genius to figure that now does it?

Ideals of marriage;

This one is quite simple really. I have absolutely no intention of getting married at all. I feel that it is a religious ceremony of which I will take no part in. It also costs loads to do, then even more to get out of – all of which I think is a farce. Yes there is a legal connotation that you are "together" *How nice* and may your solicitors children be very well fed on your behalf. But it won't be from mine thanks.

Self worth & confidence:

Nothing drives me more insane than someone who just lives for telling others how unlucky, useless, disappointed and generally how life has mistreated them and them only. Oh for fucks sake. Please, at least try to have some self esteem and confidence as I sure as fuck will not be sharing mine with you. Many years of being treated like shit myself and I managed to get over it – you can too. (Or just shut the fuck up about it… your choice)

Well that will do me for now. Oh apart from… must like pets.

Currently listening: Synkronized By Jamiroquai Release date: 08 June, 1999